How a Grief Journal Can Help After Loss of a Loved One
Everyone griefs when we are experiencing a loss. It can be incredibly difficult to cope with, and it feels like the pain will never end. I’m personally familiar as I lost my mom April 2021 and my husband passed October 2022 after fighting cancer for only nine months. I have been using a grief journal to help me through all the confusing emotions.
However, there are ways to work through grief and come out on the other side. One of those ways is through journaling. By writing down your thoughts and feelings, you can start to make sense of them and work through the grieving process.
If you’re looking for some help getting started, here are a few tips on how to journal through grief and a downloadable list of Grief Journal Prompts.
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What is grief journaling and how it helps
Whether you’re just starting out on your grief journey or have been traveling it for a while, journaling can be an extremely helpful tool. It allows you to express yourself in a way that isn’t always possible face-to-face with others, and it can provide some much-needed healing solace along the way.
If you’re not sure where to start or what to write about, these tips should give you a good place to begin. And if you find that journaling isn’t right for you, don’t worry – there are plenty of other ways to work through grief. But whatever path you choose, don’t try to do it alone – seek out support from loved ones or professionals as needed. Grieving is hard enough without trying to go through it alone.
When you love or deeply care for someone, you will experience grief. Though it’s certainly not a fair trade, it’s one that many of us must face in our lifetime. If you’re grieving the loss of a loved one, you may find it helpful to journal your thoughts and feelings. Not only can this help you process your grief, but it can also be a valuable resource for revisiting later.
Moving through the stages of Grief
We all have heard about the stages of grief. For our own mental health, we need to address each stage as we move through our healing journey. When going through these stages it is not uncommon to go back a stage or even go through them out of order. However, look at each stage, work through it, and free yourself to focus on healing.
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The 7 Stages of Grief are:
- Shock and denial – disbelief and blunted emotional state
- Pain and guilt – the loss is unbearable and you’re making other people’s lives harder because of your feelings and needs.
- Anger and bargaining – lashing out, begging God or a higher power if they provide relief from what you’re going through.
- Depression – period of isolation and loneliness while you process and reflect
- Turning Point – At this point, the stages of grief like anger and pain have died down, and you’re left in a more calm and relaxed state.
- Reconstruction and Dealing – putting pieces of life back together and moving forward
- Acceptance and hope – ongoing acknowledgement of new way of life and feeling possibility of the future.
How to start a Grief Journal Tips
If you are grieving, I want to tell you that you are not alone. Grief comes in all shapes and sizes, and there is no “right” way to experience it. Some people find comfort in talking about their loved one, while others may prefer to keep their thoughts and feelings bottled up inside.
Journaling can be a healthy outlet for both situations. It can provide a safe space for exploring your emotions and working through them at your own pace. Additionally, writing down your thoughts and memories can be therapeutic in its own right – especially if you revisit them down the road. Here are some tips for starting (or keeping) a journal during your time of grief.
- Find a journal or notebook you feel comfortable writing in (even if its digital)
- Find a comfortable place and time when you won’t be disturbed
- Start by writing about how you’re feeling at that moment
- Include any anything that pops into your mind
- Focus on the present, stay in the now
- Be gentle with yourself – this process is for healing
- If you get stuck, or need to stop, then stop. This is for you, so don’t push yourself.
When a loved one dies, the grieving process is unique to everyone. Some people express their grief through talking, others through writing.
Journaling can be an effective way to work through your emotions and come to terms with your loss. It can also be a helpful tool for keeping your loved one’s memory alive. If you’re struggling with grief, consider journaling to help you heal.
What to write in your grief journal
- Write as if talking to your loved one.
Discuss the plans for the day or week, ask them questions about thoughts. I know this sounds weird, but when you have a routine with a loved one, writing through it can help deal with the loss.
- Write about positive happy memories.
During your grief you may focus all on the negative emotion brough about by your loss. However, if you write about the happy and funny moments, it helps pull you back to those emotions.
- Write about how you are really feeling.
Obviously, you are sad or depressed by losing your loved one. You need to embrace writing about all your emotions, even the anger you feel at them leaving. Sometimes, this means admitting that you feel guilty.
If it was an illness, you may have wished for their suffering to end, and now that it has you feel guilty for that wish.
For more ideas download our full list of grief journaling prompts. Especially if you feel you need a direction to start. Or simply do a web search for writing prompts for grief journals.
How your grief journal supports your healing process
By writing about your experiences and feelings you will prevent avoiding those issues. Instead, you will deal with them and heal and be able to move forward.
If you can’t think of how to create sentences, use a bullet journal and simply write the emotions you feel.
I have personally experienced how grief affects the sleeping patterns. By journaling through your grief and addressing it, you get it out. Give it a release, and you are more relaxed and less anxious and therefore sleep better.
By writing out all your emotions over your loss, you are reconnecting to yourself. Grief sometimes (most of the time) causes a shut down. By writing it all out and dealing with it, you can focus back on you. You don’t forget your loved one, but you are coping better with it and able to finally get in the shower and maybe step outside of your grief for a while.
Next steps in your healing journey
I have found that with the journaling I have opened to my grief. Now, 3 months later, I have began talking to my husband as if he is here with me. I let him know that I’m mad or kitchen was designed for how tall he was, and how I need a step stool to reach almost everything.
These brief “conversations” help prevent emotional breakdown. You’re able to address the issue and move through it without crumbling in a heap of loss and anger. Don’t get me wrong, still journal about all your feelings. Continue writing about how you are feeling, the events and memories that pop up during the day. Don’t just stop. You are on the road to healing so continue down its path!
Document Positive Memories
With this progress you may want to begin a memory book. Have friends and family write those moments that stand out. Whether they were supportive, funny or sad moments, document them. They help keep you connected to your loved one. And everything they shared with you in life.
By addressing all your emotions over your loss, you are more capable of talking with others about it. Knowing how you feel about it, the love and the anger help you communicate better with those trying to help you through the loss. Don’t bury the tears and emotions, that’s unhealthy. Let them out! They are valid emotions and locking them up will just cause more issues!
Additional resources on coping with loss
If you can’t think of how to open up to your grief so you can work through it, check out this book on amazon – How to Carry What Can’t be Fixed. The writer covers those difficult moments and how to handle them. As is a guided journal through grief recovery process.
I had that situation at our children’s school. Simple family mealtime at the school and I burst into tears just walking in line with my son. I couldn’t do it, couldn’t walk through the line. All because of a funny memory with my husband at this event the year before.
If you are having destructive thoughts, or just can’t make it through and feel all alone, please reach out to these resources! YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!
The Lifeline and 988 (Suicide Prevention Lifeline)
Grief journaling can be an extremely helpful tool for coping with the loss of a loved one. It can provide a space for you to express your emotions, work through your grief, and connect with yourself and others who have experienced loss.
If you are grieving, we encourage you to give grief journaling a try. The tips in this post should help get you started, but don’t hesitate to explore other resources on grief journaling or talk to a counselor if you need additional therapy and support.
